EXTERIOR: EAST BALTIMORE
The sun is just setting over the swamp. Rain pours down. An angry old woman in a gray cloak, an excitable young pugilist with a fancy haircut, and a dimwitted male cheerleader rush down the garden steps and come to a sudden halt.
A shadow darts across the screen. Is it a monster? A bird? A startled rabbit?
ABBIGAIL shouts an alarm and draws the sword she carries beneath her tattered cloak.
ABBIGAIL: “Be ready to fight. There are mutants nearby!”
OZZY whips his head back and forth, looking for danger. His finally coiffed hair teeters atop his head, seemingly ready to leap into the fray in his place. He growls with surprising menace for such a dandy as he raises his fists and stands behind ABBIGAIL, ready for a fight.
BANDIT, confused, trips over OZZY and bumps into ABBIGAIL.
ABBIGAIL swings her sword wildly, shouting a battle cry. OZZY roars and lashes out, punching at BANDIT and ABBIGAIL alike, not quite sure who he is supposed to be fighting.
BANDIT: “We’re going to get them! Fight! This is awesome! Take them out!”
ABBIGAIL: “Will you shut up? Stop fighting me and get the damn rabbit!”
OZZY, pulling back from punching Bandit in the face: “Oh… I thought we were fighting him.”
BANDIT: “There! I see it!”
With that BANDIT blunders past OZZY and ABBIGAIL, knocking both of them to the ground. He leaps into the bushes in pursuit of… something.
And he is gone.
OZZY: “What are we fighting?”
ABBIGAIL, sheathing her sword and muttering curses: “We were supposed to kill that rabbit, but numbskull just scared it away.”
OZZY, smoothing his hair: “Maybe he’ll catch it for us.”
ABBIGAIL: “No. He ran the opposite direction.”
The camera pulls up from the exasperated hunters and pans out over the landscape to show BANDIT running down the street, screaming threats at the top of his voice. A few zombies and rodents of unusual size veer off away from him, seemingly scared away by the sheer force of his loud stupidity.
END SCENE